Gag on These Balls

Trio of team Gag on our Balls, ( Adam, Brian Alber, and Matt Alber)

A co-ed dodgeball league is a place to joke around with friends, have a good laugh, and play a childhood favorite game.  It’s a relaxing sport that releases the frustrations of a grueling work day, by launching foam balls at one another.  

Last night team Gag on our Balls released a whopping onto team Situation, with a 11-2 slaughter.  Led by the Alber brothers Brian and Matt, one known for winning Stanley Cups with Wayne Gretzky, the other crowned  for being the Sweatiest Man Alive by Maxim Magazine.  

Gag on our Balls showed dominated form by taking Game 1 with the Alber brothers hurling  dodgeballs, like burly lumberjacks in a sawmill.  

Brian Alber fired his team up by sweating all over the surface before the opening whistle. He stood before his teammates and shouted aloud. “Bring the intensity!  We are Gag on our Balls!”

In Game 2, team Situation even the series by eliminating the Alber brothers early.  It was only Adam and his “Pauly D blowout” left for defeat.  

Game 3, Gag on our Balls fought back by quickly eliminating team Situation, in 2 minutes and 34 seconds.

Game 4: Situation called a foul on Brian Alber for sweating over the center line.  “Como on Dude, keep the sweat on your side.” they protested.  Brian ignored the controversy and fired the game winning throw.    

Game 5: A more tactical game of strategy as Situation, held onto the ball longer and talk it over with teammates about the next move. Alber brothers just gave each other a nod, and began a barrage of grunt filled throws.  Brian once again clinches the game with final throw.    

Game 6: I got an text message about the Flyers game, and was distracted.  Gag on our Balls won again with Brian’s clinching throw.  

Game 7: Was a game for the ladies.  Gag on our Balls female stars fought back with only two players left.  

Game 8: Firing squad came out for Gag on our Balls by simultaneously chucking balls at the only female player left on team Situation.  She ran back and forth taunting the Gag on our Balls with pirouettes in the air.  Light on her feet, she was rather impressive dodging numerous throws.  Matt ended the brief ballerina recital, with a hard throw to the lower region.  

Game 9: Team Situation makes a heroic late charge and attempted a comeback in the series.  A great catch by the big guy in red.  It was amazing.  

Games 10-13: I feel asleep, but Gag on our Balls ended with a 11-2 victory.  Team Situation refused to speak to the media afterwards, stated that it was cutting into their creeping time.

The real story was the dominance of the Alber brothers, whom are making a bid for dodgeball immortality.  I managed to speak to the two after the game.

I admit this was the first dodgeball game I’ve ever been to.  Still new to this sport, but I sense star power when I see it.  And you guys were phenomenal tonight.  Any endorsement deals in the making?

Brian:  “I’ was contacted by Degree Body Deodorant for Men.  They were coming out with a new line of Antiperspirant, that prevents sweating.  But, when I show up for the commercial I accidentally sweated all over the electrical camera equipment, and started a fire.  It was rather tragic as I was the only survivor.  I’m still waiting for other offers.”  

That’s unfortunate, maybe in the future.  Where did you learn to play dodgeball so well?

Matt: “After my hall of fame career in the NHL, I decided to pick up another sport.  I called up my brother after my press conference, and he said Matt lets walk with the dragon in the Glory Days Sports Co-Ed Dodgeball league.  I said, I already have the knee pads on bro.”

Brian: “We both, learned under a great dodgeball teacher. Practices were hard, conditioning was tough, and hours of proper throwing technique.  We had only one goal in mind, that was to be the greatest brother duo in the history of a Co-Ed Dodgeball league.”

Any advice to the young fans, out there that want to get into the competitive sport of Co-Ed Dodgeball?

Brian: “Eat a lot of high protein foods, get at least 11 hours sleep a day, and bring an extra t-shirt to change into.”

Matt: “It’s about playing for the logo on your t-shirt.  Never put yourself ahead of your teammates.  When I look at our shirts and see the team logo of a man gagging on a pair of balls, it immediately transforms me into a dodgeball killing machine.”

The Wednesday night Co-Ed league still has 6 more weeks of exciting dodgeball action remaining.  We’ll follow up later on in the season, with more coverage and exclusive interviews.